Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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