I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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