My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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