I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
