dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
