I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
