i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
