so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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