I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
