I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
