My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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