I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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