Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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