I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
