You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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