he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
