I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
