I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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