Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
