he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The adults are the big ones right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
