Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
