Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
