U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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