no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
