Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
