she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
