In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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