Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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