Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
