I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
