The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
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by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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