oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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