My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
