so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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