I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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