god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
