Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
