i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
