Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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