1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
