just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sext me about skeletons
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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