It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
