I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
