oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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