halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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