So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
