Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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