living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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