Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
