i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
