PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
