Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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