If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
