i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
