We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm both gender and math confused
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
