Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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