Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize