im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
