ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
