You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
